I went to a pub during the World Cup game between Argentina and Mexico today. In Brno, I assume there are not a lot of people from South America, but I ended up in precisely the place where the people of both nations were.
Thunderous yelling and cheers from Argentina. Mexico was defeated 3-1, and the singing flooded my ears and made me feel very awkward—being a Filipino, being a girl, being 20, being short, not being a soccer fan, not being completely “in” yet among the people in AIESEC.
Am I simply too self-conscious? If I were outgoing, I would be crowing with every goal and chatting with everyone every time the game would be slow. I am not the most extroverted person. I can talk properly if I am with a group of two or three people, but in larger groups, I am overwhelmed.
I think the most important thing for me to do is learn to connect in whatever way I can.
I do not feel pretty here, but I suppose it matters not. I will never be tall, blonde and European, so there is no point in feeling lousy about my appearance. I just feel rather put out about some of the stares I receive here. Well, duh, I can’t even say I look completely Asian as most people know it (Chinese, Japanese features). Ces’t la vie.
I get the feeling that I am compelled to go with people who seem unthreatening to me in these foreign situations. People who are larger-than-life, brash and aggressive make me feel insecure and uncomfortable. I don’t know how this will work for me in the future, but I must find a way to get over it as soon as possible.